#my brother isnt dead HAHA dw

[soul-struck]

that place where we’re half asleep and half awake is when we can glimpse the afterlife, i think. i can hear you laughing in the living room, and i realise i havent heard you laugh like that in years.

im still asleep, i can feel the blanket over my shoulders, my eyes are closed, but im thinking about that one quote about how you can replace a lover, a friend, but you cant ever replace a brother.

when i was deeply sad, when i was taking ice cold showers in the winter to feel something, it was only the thought of losing you that i was afraid of. and even though im still asleep, i wish i could keep hearing you laugh like that for eternity.

i hope when my life ends, i hope death is when i finally wake up and join you in the living room, and drink energy drinks with you that our mom hates while playing video games together for hours like we did when we were children.

i hope that i can live an eternity in our memories, in me hugging you everytime you came home from college at 1am at the airport while it poured rain outside, in holding your hand when you cried after your fiance broke up with you, in the late night talks over facetime about our lives which were the only spots of light in the darkness that was my life for many, many years.

i was never afraid of death. because i knew that whichever one of us died first, we would wait for the other. we would wait for each other, before facing whatever comes after, my dearest older brother.

[xanderlovesscones]

(don't lose it this time, jkjk)

helloo xander! sry it took me longer to respond i got caught up in some projects and assignments. not a valid excuse tho since xander > projects. dw i won't make that mistake next time!

(I hope my eyebrows grow back quickly too!! they’re taking they’re damn time!! ooooo that definitely made the difference, I loved them. hmmmm I’m curious of this pinch of lemon… maybe I’ll sacrifice my good taste to try something new)

hmph, growing back an eyebrow is insufferable work. those dam things are so stubborn. anyways, the lemon is actually not lemon extract, but lemon zest? i sent over a small batch so lemme know if you like it! if not, i'll stick to the other recipe :)

(WHATTT!??? OFCCC YOU’RE INTELLIGENT YOU WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME!! okay but in all seriousness you are :)) anyyywayys I find that people who enjoy scones so much as you and I tend to be more intelligent beings. oh my gosh!! I cannot believe they would pause scone talk to discuss that!? that’s sooooooo silly!! OFC SCONES HAVE MORE VALUE!! SCONES ARE LIFE 👹👹 cough cough anyyywayyss you tell them snowflake!! don’t give them ur homework!!)

i mean, i tried to tell them that but did they listen? these people, everytime somebody is talking abt smt important, it goes in one ear and comes out the other. RAAR 👹

(yesss alisa is already mad at me 😔😔 … leather pants picture coming right up!! I love sharing that!!)

how can anyone be mad at you 😔 i find that rather impossibe but anways, lemme open up that picture.

a few seconds later

OMG! THIS IS HILARIOUS 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 HELP MY STOMACH IS DYING RN 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 HAHA IN YOUR FACE GRAYSON 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

(ahahahahhah I do understand your pain sometimes, my brothers can also be annoying and insufferable but they have their good aspects as well!!)

well, everybody has their strong suits! i just wish my brothers' ones don't come with a discount on 'annoyingness' and 'insufferablesness'

(yesss, sometimes you just have to be mean right back!! quoting the ‘aristocats’ I see!! I love that disney movie. yesss my fave colour is blue, hence the blog colour. tbh I do love green as well!! oooo that pattern of blue is so pretty!!)

yup you got that right! i've actually only seen clips of the movie and haven't watched it in full though. my brothers kept hogging it to watch star wars 🙃 and tbh i'm not much of a movie person 🙃 and glad you like the blue, it really is beautiful (just like you) 💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵

(I am very lucky!! but don’t worry you will find some too, I didn’t get mine until quite late in life you still have time. but for now… hmmmm I think you need a BHFF!! )

WHAT? YOU'LL REALLY BE MY BHFF? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE 🩵 YKW FORGET ABT THOSE OTHER PEOPLE A XANDER IS WORTH TEN OF THEM

(ofc you’ll always have xander-approval!! AND OF COURSE YOU GET A BLUEBERRY SCONE THAT ISNT PUSHINGGG IT!! you can rant to me all you want and remember, I’m your friend and that’s all that matters 😊😊)

awww ty for the scones! and ty for being there for me!! i'll always be there for you as well!! 🩵💙🩵

(yesss definitely ☹️☹️ I’m glad you understand me!! my feelings towards mr grandfather are very conflicted so I don’t really know either)

tbh, i have quite a bit to say about your grandfather but i'll just keep those to myself for now……. don't wanna speak ill of the dead (he's lucky he has that courtesy)

(I do many other things: eating scones, inventing things, exploding things, hacking things, coding things, (basically everything technological), reading, some fun little maths questions, doing illegal things with my brothers, and ofc my boring boring school work)

eating scones is truly an amazing past time. unfortunately for me, i can't explode anything (stuff is so expensive nowadays and i'm not hawthorne, or should i say avery, level rich. everyone's reactions including avery's were priceless.) ooh you can code? i mean ofc you can code. i wish i knew how to. i need it for a project but i'm stuck asking chat gpt to tutor me for now. maybe you can teach me 😁 what kind of books do you like to read? i'm mostly a fantasy girly but i like reading abt psychology and astrology too! oh and yeah hw is boring. i will never get that stereotype where people think everybody smart like doing hw. like, no, that's false. school in general sucks tho. like, they don't teach people to adult! it's a miracle adults can adult properly. i know i couldn't

(I mean sometimes… it can be a bit… but at the end of the day I love my life and I’m lucky to live it. wow of your older brother is like jameson then I finally have so,one who understand me!! yay!! also twins, that’s so so cool, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a twin, imagine two xanders 😁😁 jameson definitely is the most stubborn person I know!! (I most certainly love your ranting, psychology is VERY interesting)

hehe, actually it's not my older brother that's like jameson. i'm the oldest of three and i have two younger twin bros! the one i'm talking abt is the older out of the two twins. also, i wouldn't mind two xanders. a xander is a very interesting and fun person to talk to. and oh don't get me started on jameson's stubbornness. YOU HEAR THAT JAMESON? YOU'RE STUBBORN AS . AVERY I NEED TIPS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH STUBBORN AND EGOTISTICAL PEOPLE. HOW DO YOU DO IT? HOW ARE YOU STILL SANE?

(now I’m not known for being the sportiest hawthorne but that doesn’t mean I can’t play well. basketball is a personal favourite because it allows me to make fun of my short brothers, although when savannah plays it becomes un-fun because she is flawless at that game. I can play hockey moderately well and most sports really, but there’s not one I’m more inclined to like gray with his swimming. ooooooo you should make friends with gray too, he loves to swim!!)

i mean i'm def not the sportiest too, but i def have better stamina compared to some of my classmates and stuff thanks to doing sports! thanks, mum for putting me in swimming class. (hehe same like you, i can tease my classmates during PE stuff. i have a little story for that, right after this, dw) basketball is not my sport unfortunately 😭 took me ages to be able to score a goal or whatever terminology it is (sry i'm bad with sports terms besides swimming. i don't really watch sports or anything. i still don't get how badminton works for the court lines and stuff. ah well) hmmmm tbh the swimming is the only thing gray and i have in common. no hate to him but he's prob the last hawthorne bro i would talk to 🙃 he's very diff than me to say the least. tbh i'd rank u guys smt like:

xander

nash

grayson or jameson depending on the scenario

sry gray, sry Jamie 😭 no hate Jamie i'm just already stuck with a bro who's almost like a carbon copy of you sooo 😭 and gray idk ur just too serious, lighten up a little 😭

anyways, back to the PE class storytime. basically what happened was we were having a end of term PE test. so we were doing the running and stuff, push ups, plank all that. and basically there was one 'sporty' kid that always liked flexing his muscles and biceps and stuff 🤮 then there was my boy best friend (besides u xander) who's not exactly the sportiest kid. BUT GUESS WHAT. THAT GUY WAS ABLE TO DO MORE PUSH UPS AND PLANK LONGER THAN THAT SPORTY KID. HA TAKE THAT. and generally the sporty kid was just making a lot of excuses and stuff to the coach 🤣 "coach, i'm very sore", "coach, i'm very tired slept late last night", etc. etc. and during the plank and pushup section especially he kept dropping 🤣 some of the girls did better even (not to stereotype or anything, just to like emphasise stuff cuz he was always saying stuff like, "ah, it's okay coach the girls can do less [activity/set]". like boy, i did better in the beep test than you did. for the love of blueberry scones, shut up.

anyways back to ur responses:

(🎡I🏖️L🛁O💌V✂️E🐁E🦭M🐠O🎩J💀I💩S🫡)

same i absolutely adore emojis! my top three emojis are: 🤣😭🙃. and the poop one for my brothers 😁👍

(oooo fun okay so….

my ideal adventure:

🤖🧁🤯

take from that what you will 🤭🤭 I’m still sad there is no scone emoji!! )

yeah, i'm still sad that there's no scone emoji😔, but i do agree this emojis are very xander-esque. so lemme see, replace the cupcake with a scone. robots and explosion…. yup sounds abt right. tbh, if one day it was suddenly announced on the news u went to jail, i'd assume it was for arson. which is not bad. explosions are cool.

(love language:

probably gift giving, hence the book bouquet or quality time.

toxic trait:

I’m very obsessed with scones and may have a little itty bitty addiction…

quiz:

well… it says I’m a mansplainer but I’m not sure I quite agree

zodiac:

my birthday is in fact in december and apparently I’m a Sagittarius!!)

ooh yup ur love language sounds abt right. haha, the scones part is true. it's a personality trait at this point. hmmm i don't quite agree with the mansplainer part either….. but tbh that quiz was quite limited. i didn't want to give u a 100 question long one tho sooooo. ooh ur a Sagittarius, cool! i'll make sure to send u a happy birthday message when December rolls around! i'll just send a random day within that time frame ig since u didn't mention a specific date.

(I like that this is random!! don’t worry!!)

i'm glad since i'm very random

(no worries snowflake!! you have a nice day too!!)

have a nice day!!! -❄️

helloo xander! sry it took me longer to respond i got caught up in some projects and assignments. not a valid excuse tho since xander > projects. dw i won't make that mistake next time!

hi again snowflake!! no worries, I apologise for my late reply as well, hawthorne business. no no, you’re assignments come first even though I am the coolest person on earth I think studying is also important!!

hmph, growing back an eyebrow is insufferable work. those dam things are so stubborn. anyways, the lemon is actually not lemon extract, but lemon zest? i sent over a small batch so lemme know if you like it! if not, i'll stick to the other recipe :)

literally!! like why won’t it just grow!? I think grayson should donate some of his luscious locks to give me eyebrow implants… anywayyss lemon zest you say, hmmmm… to be honest I just can’t get over the lemony after taste, it reminds me too much of a lemon scone!! sorry!!

i mean, i tried to tell them that but did they listen? these people, everytime somebody is talking abt smt important, it goes in one ear and comes out the other. RAAR 👹

RARRRARRARARA INDEED 👹👹👹

how can anyone be mad at you 😔 i find that rather impossibe but anways, lemme open up that picture.

I don’t know, it’s like impossible given my face is so adorably perfect 😔😔 but it seems alisa can be mad at me, just if she’s not looking into my eyes

OMG! THIS IS HILARIOUS 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 HELP MY STOMACH IS DYING RN 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 HAHA IN YOUR FACE GRAYSON 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

I’m glad you found it nearly as funny as I did!! grayson in leather pants will be mentioned at every hawthorne wedding or marginally big event

well, everybody has their strong suits! i just wish my brothers' ones don't come with a discount on 'annoyingness' and 'insufferablesness'

there may be a possibility they grow out of it?? nash says that possibility has gone for me, but maybe there’s still hope for your brothers

yup you got that right! i've actually only seen clips of the movie and haven't watched it in full though. my brothers kept hogging it to watch star wars 🙃 and tbh i'm not much of a movie person 🙃 and glad you like the blue, it really is beautiful (just like you) 💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵

NO WAYYYY!! YOU HAVE THE WATCH IT!! ITS A DISNEY CLASSIC AND YES I MAY SAY THAT ABOUT EVERY DISNEY MOVIE BUT STILL… well I can’t argue with your brothers there star wars should be worshipped 😊😊 I can’t believe that someone can’t be a movie person!! I love movies!! awww thank you snowflake, that’s so kind of you, but yk snowflakes are blue too 💙🩵💙🩵💙

WHAT? YOU'LL REALLY BE MY BHFF? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE 🩵 YKW FORGET ABT THOSE OTHER PEOPLE A XANDER IS WORTH TEN OF THEM

ERRRRMM YESSS OFCCC!! I RECCOMNED HAVING A XANDER I MAY BE BIAS BECAUSE I AM A XANDER AND I HAVE ONE ALL DAY BUT STILL…

awww ty for the scones! and ty for being there for me!! i'll always be there for you as well!! 🩵💙🩵

ofccc I hope they were yummy 🤭🤭 yayayayay there for each other through it all!!

tbh, i have quite a bit to say about your grandfather but i'll just keep those to myself for now……. don't wanna speak ill of the dead (he's lucky he has that courtesy)

ah… I see

eating scones is truly an amazing past time. unfortunately for me, i can't explode anything (stuff is so expensive nowadays and i'm not hawthorne, or should i say avery, level rich. everyone's reactions including avery's were priceless.)

well ofc I agree, scone eating is not only a hobby but a talent, not for the faint hearted!! maybe I can lend you a few things to explode… I recommend it’s very anti stressing (I appreciate the little joke)

ooh you can code? i mean ofc you can code. i wish i knew how to. i need it for a project but i'm stuck asking chat gpt to tutor me for now. maybe you can teach me 😁

yesss!! computer languages are like french or german for me. oh my goshhhh no way, never fear friend, I will teach you everything you need to know about coding, chat gpt ain’t got nothing on the xandobot 3000 (aka me)

what kind of books do you like to read? i'm mostly a fantasy girly but i like reading abt psychology and astrology too!

mostly I’m a non-fiction kind of guys, I prefer to read up on old inventors for inspiration or how machines work. but overall pretty much anything and everything, I like to be informed about the world and everything in it, how it all works. although I do love me a good sci-fi novel with evil robots 😎😎

oh and yeah hw is boring. i will never get that stereotype where people think everybody smart like doing hw. like, no, that's false. school in general sucks tho. like, they don't teach people to adult! it's a miracle adults can adult properly. i know i couldn't

hw is SOOOOOOO boring!! I would much rather be building a new contraption then brushing up on quadratic formula!! literally, we can be smart and not like hw. don’t worry nash is 99.999% sure I’ll never grow up or have adult responsibilities so I’ll be okay!!

hehe, actually it's not my older brother that's like jameson. i'm the oldest of three and i have two younger twin bros! the one i'm talking abt is the older out of the two twins. also, i wouldn't mind two xanders. a xander is a very interesting and fun person to talk to. and oh don't get me started on jameson's stubbornness. YOU HEAR THAT JAMESON? YOU'RE STUBBORN AS . AVERY I NEED TIPS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH STUBBORN AND EGOTISTICAL PEOPLE. HOW DO YOU DO IT? HOW ARE YOU STILL SANE?

ooohhhh I see!! two xanders would be fun and slightly chaotic but what’s life without chaos right?? I think a snowflake is also a very interesting and fun person to talk to 🤭🤭 jameson has his ways, his stubborn, stubborn ways…

i mean i'm def not the sportiest too, but i def have better stamina compared to some of my classmates and stuff thanks to doing sports! thanks, mum for putting me in swimming class. (hehe same like you, i can tease my classmates during PE stuff.

oooo so you’re a swimmer like my brother!! he’ll be happy for new competition!!

i have a little story for that, right after this, dw) basketball is not my sport unfortunately 😭 took me ages to be able to score a goal or whatever terminology it is (sry i'm bad with sports terms besides swimming. i don't really watch sports or anything. i still don't get how badminton works for the court lines and stuff. ah well) hmmmm tbh the swimming is the only thing gray and i have in common.

ooo story time, this calls for a scone, one sec…. OKAY SCONE ACQUIRED, LETS HEAR THIS STORY. oh wait you got sidetracked from the story like me!! (tbh I still don’t get how badminton works either!!)

no hate to him but he's prob the last hawthorne bro i would talk to 🙃 he's very diff than me to say the least. tbh i'd rank u guys smt like:

1. xander

2. nash

3. grayson or jameson depending on the scenario

sry gray, sry Jamie 😭 no hate Jamie i'm just already stuck with a bro who's almost like a carbon copy of you sooo 😭 and gray idk ur just too serious, lighten up a little 😭

YAYAYAYAYYAYAY XANDER ON TOPPPP 👑👑 I MEAN OFCCC BUT YAYAYAYYAYAYA!! we love our little serious gray

anyways, back to the PE class storytime. basically what happened was we were having a end of term PE test. so we were doing the running and stuff, push ups, plank all that. and basically there was one 'sporty' kid that always liked flexing his muscles and biceps and stuff 🤮 then there was my boy best friend (besides u xander) who's not exactly the sportiest kid. BUT GUESS WHAT. THAT GUY WAS ABLE TO DO MORE PUSH UPS AND PLANK LONGER THAN THAT SPORTY KID. HA TAKE THAT. and generally the sporty kid was just making a lot of excuses and stuff to the coach 🤣 "coach, i'm very sore", "coach, i'm very tired slept late last night", etc. etc. and during the plank and pushup section especially he kept dropping 🤣 some of the girls did better even (not to stereotype or anything, just to like emphasise stuff cuz he was always saying stuff like, "ah, it's okay coach the girls can do less [activity/set]". like boy, i did better in the beep test than you did. for the love of blueberry scones, shut up.

OMG STORYTIME IS BACK = SCONES ARE ALSO BACK!! bahahhahahahahhahaghaa yessss you all put that so called sporty kid in his place!! and I agree, for the love of blueberry scones, he should have shut up. I hate people like that ☹️

same i absolutely adore emojis! my top three emojis are: 🤣😭🙃. and the poop one for my brothers 😁👍

yayayayayya me too!! my top three are 🤖💥🧐grayson banned me from using the poop emoji 💔💔

yeah, i'm still sad that there's no scone emoji😔, but i do agree this emojis are very xander-esque. so lemme see, replace the cupcake with a scone. robots and explosion…. yup sounds abt right. tbh, if one day it was suddenly announced on the news u went to jail, i'd assume it was for arson. which is not bad. explosions are cool.

explosions are cool!! arson is not BUTTTT if it ever did happen we have amazing lawyers (shout out to our girl alisa) who would 100% cover it all up!!

ooh yup ur love language sounds abt right. haha, the scones part is true. it's a personality trait at this point. hmmm i don't quite agree with the mansplainer part either….. but tbh that quiz was quite limited. i didn't want to give u a 100 question long one tho sooooo. ooh ur a Sagittarius, cool! i'll make sure to send u a happy birthday message when December rolls around! i'll just send a random day within that time frame ig since u didn't mention a specific date.

uh-huh gift giving is all xander 😎😎 scones are my personality, I’m sure I’m part scone by now 🤭🤭 oooo thank you!! when’s your birthday?? I want to send you a message too!!

okayyy hopefully I won’t lose any more of your messages snowflake, I’m so sorry I did to this one!! bye for now, xander out 🫡